It was an emotionally difficult landing after a great trip to Botswana and Johannesburg. The stories are all stored within me and are just waiting for a better moment to be published...
Overwhelmed with this constant lack of certainty with regard to my future. No, not scared or afraid of uncertaintly but perhaps enjoying the certainty of the things I love. Such as driving my motorino being one of the most healing experiences.
Driving with my mp3 player on.
Today, driving through Garbatella...thinking of Nanni Moretti on his vespa.. Laughing to myself at the lines of the film I used to watch several times many, many years ago before I even knew where Garbatella was.
And you can't understand this because the person i want to take on the ride doesn't have dsl. Yes, my colleagues from India don't believe that there are places in the heart of Tuscany without dsl connection.
My disoriented Tuesday night back home realizing I don't even have any coffee in my cupboards and then my neighbours open up their windows and sing out laud "Grazie Roma". This was their reaction to loosing to Manchester United. I didn't know about the game, I just heard them sing and couldn't help but to smile to myself and say "Thank God am back in Rome".
So here is the ride through Garbatella... wishing to find my man to take him on the ride...again..
And maybe just like Nanni we could also enter one of the houses, just to see, tell them we are making a film...And when they ask what the film is about, then we'll say it is about a Marxist owner of local pasticceria living in the conformist 1950's, in Garbatella... A musical.. Where is my partner in crime??? Yes, I know everyone in Garbatella knows this line.. but what has happened with being a little crazy?
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2 comments:
There is a sense of freedom that only a ride on a Motorino can offer! A sense of possibility, many things can happen, and I want to enjoy them all!
A slight degree of anxiety with regards to the future is a natural companion to the feeling of freedom: one of the beauty of human beings is the ability to feel several contrasting feelings all at the same time.
What will the future bring? The obsessive-compulsive side of my personality wants to know it now! Then I think that all of the "certainties" we try to build during our life are not really certain at all :
- Work? You might be fired.
- Marriage? You might divorce.
Sounds bleak? It isn't: the uncertain nature of reality give us choiche. Wouldn't it be terrible if you knew that:
- Work? You must do the same job forever
- Marriage? You must live with the same woman forever, regardless of your feeling and cirumstances.
Certainty might deprive us of choice, and choosing to stay with your wife one more day, or in your job one more week, is at the very heart of Happiness.
I am looking forward to reading your exeriences in Botswana!
Dear EvenHappier...
Thank you for the reassurance that in fact I am not going crazy...Yes, I agree with you that certainty can be deafening but at this very moment I simply learned how to love having very few certain things in my life: i.e. being able to drive my scooter..;-)
And I agree with you that the insurance policy for "stable and predictable" future is not something we REALLY want.
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